Clown of the Heart
by Morrigan428
Summary: First person story of finding someone intriguing and special at the circus.
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em, though I wish I did. No money. Nothing. Nada. Just for fun. PLEASE don't sue me.   
  
NOTE TO READER: Rating: Good for all ages I guess. Sickenly sweet fanfic. OOC, and Lana, Rae and Bernie are of my own invention. Can't say there's a point to this...it just came to me in one night and so it was written in one night... TAKES PLACE A COUPLE YEARS AFTER ENDLESS WALTZ...  
  
Clown of the Heart  
Parts 1-3  
  
Part 1   
  
"I don't want to go!" I remembered saying to my best friend as she began dragging me out the door.   
  
"But it'll be fun Lana!" she replied gleefully.   
  
"I don't want to go!" I repeated to her, and continued, "I HATE public gatherings! YOU know that! Rae, please! It's a circus! How more public can you get?" I asked rhetorically, as I was led unwillingly to the car, and forced to go to the cheerful, annoying, loud, POINTLESS, destination of her choice.   
  
Now as I walked around aimlessly beside her, I wanted nothing more than to go home, or find some peace and quiet.   
  
"Oh! Let's go into the big tent for the next show." Rae exclaimed excitedly. I let out a much catlike growl in my throat. "Oh come on! PLEASE?" she begged.   
  
"Okay, but only because I can sit down."   
  
We wondered into the big tent, immediately forced to take in the three-ring stage. Although the show didn't start for another hour, a crowd was already gathered inside. Another low growl escaped my throat.   
  
"Lana, it's not THAT bad!" Rae insisted as I followed her lead through the standing crowds, dodging running children.   
  
"I hate public gatherings..." I repeated to myself as she finally stopped right in the front row seats and sat down. "You want to sit in the FRONT row?" I asked incredulous.   
  
"Yeah, how else will we get to see everything?" she asked pointedly. I sucked in an exasperated breath as I sat down, and for the millionth time reminded myself of our differences. She was a people person, I wasn't. She LIVED for parties, entertainment and such, I preferred to sit in my room and read or take a walk in the park. I CRAVED quiet and peace, she wanted liveliness, lights, and glamour. She was extremely pretty with shoulder length blonde hair, oval face, big brown eyes and full lips; I just blend into the background. I wore black, she wore white, and the list could go on forever. If we didn't have the same taste in clothes and both had a love for the Arts, I'd doubt we would have any common ground.   
  
"Don't look so annoyed!" Rae said looking at the scowl on my face, my arms crossed over my chest, and my all out expression one of displeasure and discomfort. "Look, they'll have animals...you like animals."   
  
"But not with whips and chains." I muttered in answer.   
  
"Tight rope walking..."   
  
"I'm not good with balance."   
  
"Knife throwing..."   
  
"Too dangerous. The knife will probably hit the guy tonight just because I'M here." I said unsoftened.   
  
"Clowns..."   
  
"I don't like clowns." I said in answer to that.   
  
Somehow clowns always sort of scared me. Also, I didn't see the point of putting on weird makeup, goofy, mismatched clothes, and acting like an idiot-on purpose- in front of a large group of people.   
  
"Lana, there's gotta be something you'll like!" Rae said hopeful. "Yeah," I said unshaken, and saw her brighten, "...going home." Rae hung her head with a sigh.   
  
Part 2   
  
I had sat through at least an hour and half of nonsense. People on trapezes, (which even I had to admit was kinda cool), the idiotic clowns coming out and offering me one of their joke flowers...tight rope walking, which I didn't watch much of because I had to strain my neck in a painful way to see it properly, then watch some poor animals being forced to jump through rings of fire and jump from one stool to the next with a crack of a whip. I wanted to get up and leave. In fact, I began to gather up my things when the next act was announced.   
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. I present to you our own Catherine Bloom, knife thrower extraordinarie!" A woman with bouncy, curly brown hair, wearing a pinkish purple show dress came out and bowed. I heaved a long sigh and got up.   
  
"Lana! What are you doing? Come on!" Rae hissed, grabbing my arm forcing me to sit down.   
  
"Rae, I want to go home." I whispered pleading.   
  
"Lana..."   
  
I didn't hear the rest because I had turned my head back to the show, and my eyes fell upon the ONLY good thing I'd seen tonight other than the EXIT sign. Ironically he was dressed as a clown. Baggy pants held up with suspenders, but across a muscular chest that was covered with a tight, sleeveless, mismatched, blue and white shirt. On his face he wore half of a mask. It was a "happy" clown mask, a smile turning up on its lips. The mask was practically hidden by a thick tuft of long brown bangs. The other side of his face was unpainted, and unlike the mask his lips weren't turned up into an all too happy grin. His eyes...they were hard to describe. They were a beautiful startling green, greener than any I'd seen before. But when I looked into them, I saw, if I wasn't mistaken, a look of danger or wildness in them, as well as sadness and gentleness. Perhaps he didn't want to be here either...I mused.   
  
He carried himself with a deep air of mystery but self-assurance and gracefulness. Yet the sadness was prevalent.   
  
Part 3   
  
He seemed like he felt much as I did - alone.   
  
"Well, aren't we going?" I heard Rae chide into my revelry.   
  
"Huh?" I asked looking up at her standing figure in the dark tent, tearing myself from the clown's eyes.   
  
"You said you wanted to go. I won't make you suffer through anymore of this if you don't want to." she whispered.   
  
I looked back at the clown as I saw him begin to position himself for the knife throwing. "I..." I looked back at her, then pulled her back into her seat, "I changed my mind."   
  
Rae gave out a defeated sigh, and hung her head as she mumbled, "I wish you'd make up your mind."   
  
Oh, but I did. I was staying at least until this act was over. I watched keenly as this Catherine lady threw her knives in precise strokes around the boy or man, I couldn't tell how old he was by his looks. Each time I grimaced and looked away, worried that one would hit him. Then I quickly would open my eyes and look to see he never even blinked. In a way that unnerved me. Who was this guy?   
  
A couple minutes later the act ended, and the two stepped forward taking their bows. I listened carefully waiting to hear his name but they never gave it.   
  
The next acts were almost impossible for me to get through. All I could think about was that boy. It sounded crazy even to me. I had, in a sense shut off my hormones and rarely had felt this drawn to someone. I was always under the assumption I would never have a boyfriend. Besides why him? I didn't even know his name! Why should I care?   
  
I remembered his eyes. They burned into me. Piercing me through the skin, stabbing my heart. Maybe I could find out his name after the show? But how? How can I modestly go around asking about a guy I never met, and if I were to talk to him personally I'd probably flip out.   
  
I was used to being around guys. Most of my friends were guys. But that's all they were, and all they'd ever be to me- friends. In my silent contemplation I suddenly realized that Rae was jabbing my arm.   
  
"Okay, let's go. It's over," she said rising up, stretching.   
  
I looked up at her dumbly, then I looked around. People were pouring out of the tent, leaving the maintenance crew to clean up. I nodded, got up, and followed her not really thinking about it as I dodged crowds of people, kids, ropes, and the like.   
  
"Well you seemed to had settled down for the last half." Rae commented as we walked.   
  
"The guy in the knife throwing act, did they announce his name? I can't remember." I asked as innocently as I could. There was a thoughtful pause. "No. I don't think they did. He was pretty good wasn't he? He didn't even blink."   
  
Rae chattered on about this act or that one. I listened, or rather heard, but didn't pay much attention. My mind remained fixed on that green eyed clown. I felt a stab of guilt at not focusing on what Rae was saying, but when I tries I couldn't.   
  
As we continued to walk, I suddenly heard off to my side, around some trailers, a heated conversation. I looked over and stopped. There he was! Some guy in a red jacket, (the owner I concluded), was yelling at him and the knife thrower Catherine. I spotted a food station near it, and pulled Rae over to it, as I lied saying I was hungry. When we came to the near absent line I began to hear bits and pieces of it clearly.   
  
"You should have dodged it! It almost hit you! I can't afford to loose either of you. Do you understand me boy?" the man asked the green-eyed teen, whose face no longer donned the mask.   
  
"You don't pay me to dodge." the boy said in a soft voice, tinted with harshness, "But if you order me to, I will." He got up, standing taller than the other two.   
  
"I don't know why I put up with you!" the now clearly identified manager exclaimed, as he walked away and stepped into his trailer.   
  
The woman came forward and grabbed his arm comfortingly. "He's just worried about you. But he's right Tro..."   
  
"May I help you?" asked an all too happy concession stand worker. Breaking my concentration on what was being said behind the stand, I bit my lip to keep from letting out an annoyed breath. I had almost heard his name!   
  
"A Pepsi and some nachos." I said as I looked up at the menu. I glanced over to see the boy shrug Catherine off, and for a brief moment he looked straight at me, but then walked away saying, "I have work to do."   
  
"That'll be $5.23", the waiter said as I noticed my food seemed to appear out of no where.   
  
I fished in my purse and pulled out the money to cover it, got my change, and gathered up my food and walked away without realizing Rae was ordering something too.   
  
"Hey! Wait up already!" she called. I turned to see her with a bundle of food.   
  
"Let's find somewhere to sit." I told her looking around.   
  
"Over there." she said nodding in the direction of some picnic tables.   
  
Rae began to go on about something I couldn't even begin to understand what she was talking about, and despite my will to fight it, my thoughts again became preoccupied with the clown. Something told me inside I needed to meet him. That I needed to care about him. But why? I didn't even know how I could manage to see him again except to come back for the next show, and the next.   
  
"Think we can do this again tomorrow?" I blurted out.   
  
"What?" Rae asked confused because it was way off topic.   
  
"You know. Come back again tomorrow night too." I said with a sudden deep contemplation of my nachos.   
  
"I though you didn't like the circus." she said even more confused, raising an eyebrow.   
  
"It's...growing on me." I answered, and purposely stuffed a big mouthful of nachos into my mouth so I wouldn't have to answer anything else she might ask.   
  
~~~~*~~~~   



	2. Clown of the Heart 2

DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em, though I wish I did. No money. Nothing. Nada. Just for fun. PLEASE don't sue me.   
  
NOTE TO READER: Rating: Good for all ages I guess. Sickenly sweet fanfic. OOC, and Lana, Rae and Bernie are of my own invention. Can't say there's a point to this...it just came to me in one night and so it was written in one night... TAKES PLACE A COUPLE YEARS AFTER ENDLESS WALTZ...  
  
Clown of the Heart  
Parts 4-6  
  
Part 4   
  
I had come for two days in a row. Each night watching the big tent show, eagerly awaiting the knife-throwing act. Each night afterwards wondering around without any destination, looking for maybe just a glimpse of him. A sad reality hit me this the third night... in four days he would be gone- probably forever.   
  
THIS was insane. I had never even met the guy. Besides, was he even WORTH putting up with all these other problems? All the other things that made me want to leave? To pound on my peace depraved mind and will?   
  
I had though been successful in learning his name. After the show was over the day before, I walked out and saw one of the clowns. After working up the nerve to go up to him and ask, and having a little confusing conversation with him, I had learned my clown's name- Trowa Barton.   
  
"Weird kid." was how the clown had described him. I just smiled and thanked him, then accepted the balloon animal he made for me.   
  
I looked around me now. I was alone this night. Rae had another party to go to. Besides I felt better without her along. I felt horrible, because I couldn't take my mind off of Trowa. Why was I so obsessed with him? What had drawn me to him? He didn't even know I existed- literally. THOUSANDS of people saw the show everyday. Some had seen it several days in a row like me. How could he, out of all the faces he saw when he looked among the crowds, see me?   
  
After all, I wasn't much of one to be noticed. My long reddish brown hair which came to my elbows was always pulled back, my eyes were a hazel color. I was short and thin, without much more than a tiny waistline and flaring hips to give me a shape. I never stood out much. I never TRIED to. Besides every time I had ever talked to a guy I liked I always would clam up, and ended up not saying anymore than 'Hi' and 'Bye', and would not even meet his gaze. Why am I even bothering? Isn't that all I'll end up doing now?   
  
Suddenly the sounds around me became louder, and my racing mind begged for a relative calm. A headache was threatening to come on.   
  
He'll be gone in four days! So I might as well turn and leave now. Yet I kept walking, searching for a lonely spot, or as lonely as one could find in this mess. Perhaps I had a touch of social anxiety? I hated crowds...yet here I was braving one all for the sake of a guy I'd never even spoken to. Plus I kept getting the feeling I was being followed.   
  
I'm paranoid. No one's following or watching me. Still I stopped briefly to look around me. No one was ducking out of sight or acting funny, just passing me by.   
  
"I need to go home," I said to myself, and this time I followed my own advice.   
  
Part 5   
  
At four in the morning I came up with an idea that would either be my doom or relief from all this. So now, with a box of chocolates, a red rose, and a card supported in a bag, I walked through a now familiar crowd. I was beginning to feel like I worked for the circus. I was actually beginning to know the layout without thinking about it. I was beginning to know the names of the big tent performers. Some even approached me before their performance and joked with me saying I might as well come on the road with them since I'd come from day one and probably knew their acts as well as they did. I guess that comment showed I wasn't as invisible as I thought I was.   
  
I watched each act and somehow with the familiarity I began to enjoy it--even the clowns. I was able to tune out all the screaming children, all the people around me and concentrate on the show. I was shocked when I received a double dose of Trowa that day when he performed with the acrobats with the trapeze as a fill in. But finally the act I was anticipating so much came on. The familiar announcement was made, only after the name "Catherine Bloom," I added, "and Trowa Barton," in a hushed voice.   
  
I realized as I watched him not flinch or blink as each knife came whizzing by him that neither did I. I sat there with the same expressionless face he had. I trusted Catherine now to know what she was doing. I hadn't doubted it before, but now the effect wasn't the same as it was the first time. Instead I held my gaze with his wild emerald eyes that even on the first day seemed to be staring straight at me. I realized also at that instant that I had SOMEHOW managed to end up sitting in practically the same seat and ALWAYS the same section each day.   
  
The act was over too soon for me--knowing I wouldn't see anymore of him from that point on in the show. So I set my mind to trying to figure out how to give Trowa the things in the bag without someone else getting it. Well, actually I didn't mind it if Catherine did for some reason. After all if it weren't for her act I'd probably would never see Trowa. Suddenly I felt guilty for not getting her anything. Maybe if I play a game and win a prize?   
  
"Psst... hey! Lana!" I someone behind me say as whoever it was tapped me on the shoulder, taking me out of my contemplation.   
  
Part 6   
  
I looked around... the show was still on. I turned to look behind me to find out who was trying to get my attention. My eyes widened when I saw it was the clown whom I had asked what Trowa's name was a couple days ago. He greeted me everyday now. He knew my name and I his. Bernie. And I had become his choice during his act to pick on. I tuned back around and leaned back enough for him to whisper in my ear. "Yeah?"   
  
"The bag...is it for Trowa?" he asked above the crowd.   
  
I blushed a deep scarlet. Had I made my interest in Trowa THAT apparent? Aside from asking his name, I never had spoken about him to any of the other performers.   
  
"Yes." I uttered barely loud enough for him to hear me over the noise.   
  
He smiled and put a hand on my shoulder. "Come with me and bring the bag."   
  
Then he began climbing down the bleachers to the ground floor with my wrist held in his hand.   
  
"But it isn't even over yet." I said indicating the girl riding, then standing on two galloping horses.   
  
"Doesn't matter. Your just here for Trowa anyway." he said teasingly, leading me around the ring into the darker parts of the tent where it led backstage and out to the employees quarters and storage.   
  
"Is it that obvious?" I asked in despair.   
  
A short bark of laughter erupted from his throat. "Only to someone my age or who is very observant. Don't worry, there's no shame in it." he said as he came to the backstage opening and jerked back when I had stopped dead in my tracks.   
  
Panic was setting in. What if he was back there? What if he thinks that I'm nuts? I can't do this...I can't go back there.   
  
"What's wrong?" Bernie asked his brow creasing in worry. I just stared at the opening. Another bark of laughter escaped his throat. "Don't worry Lana if he's back there. I don't think he bites."   
  
"I can't do this... you must believe I've never done or acted like this before." I said in a fast wave of sentences.   
  
"You really are a shy one aren't you?" he said with an amused expression.   
  
I bowed my head in both humiliation and grief. Somewhere deep inside a voice wanted me to go in. To MEET this guy who I had been obsessing over for days now. Yet the voice I knew and trusted more held me back.   
  
"Bernie, what's going on? Who's she?" I heard a female voice ask. As I looked up I saw it was Catherine. "Are you okay, honey? You look pale," she said looking at my features critically. "Well can't you talk?" she asked jokingly.   
  
"Don't mind her Catherine, she's just very shy. I think..." Bernie said eyeing the bag in my hand, "...she has something for your little brother."   
  
My eyes widened. BROTHER? Oh, now I'm TRUELY dead! Silently I began to say my prayers.   
  
"For Trowa? What is it?" she asked in curiosity.   
  
I bit my lower lip as I looked at Bernie then held out the bag to Catherine.   
  
"If he doesn't want them he can do what he wants with them. I won't be insulted." I blurted out as I saw her open the bag and peer inside curiously. "I didn't know if he liked chocolate or not so I...I..." my voice failed me as another blush came to my cheeks. In defeat I held my head low. This was SO humiliating. And I am SO stupid!   
  
"You can have some of the chocolates too. I forgot... I came up with the idea at 4 in the morning. I..." I stuttered, my mind a whirl. I felt dizzy and VERY sick.   



	3. Clown of the Heart 3

DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em, though I wish I did. No money. Nothing. Nada. Just for fun. PLEASE don't sue me.   
  
NOTE TO READER: Rating: Good for all ages I guess. Sickenly sweet fanfic. OOC, and Lana, Rae and Bernie are of my own invention. Can't say there's a point to this...it just came to me in one night and so it was written in one night... TAKES PLACE A COUPLE YEARS AFTER ENDLESS WALTZ...  
  
Clown of the Heart  
Parts 7-9  
  
Part 7   
  
But instead of hearing a harsh word or getting a look of utter disgust I looked up to see an amused smile on her face.   
  
"So you have a crush on Trowa? I wondered why I've seen you every night since opening day. Especially after the first day when I saw you almost leave." Catherine said her smile broadening. I bit my lip again.   
  
"I don't feel very well. I need some air." I said after a wave of nausea came over me. I wanted to run away so badly. So very, very badly.   
  
"Okay, I'll see he gets it. I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked with raised eyebrows.   
  
Realizing it was a question, not a statement to tease me I felt my nausea leave up for a moment as I thought up an answer that would force her to let me know where I stood with her. "Sure...if you still want me to come now." My answer was almost drowned out by a thunderous applause in the background.   
  
"Yes. I'd love for you to show up. Now I'll know I have someone to show my little brother off to."   
  
I giggled at her tone and with giddy relief. Then a worrying thought came to me. "He doesn't have a girl... girlfriend does he?"   
  
Catherine laughed aloud as she spoke. "No sweetie, he's as free as the wind."   
  
That relieved almost all my nausea.   
  
"Show will be ending soon. I'll take you back to your seat." Bernie said turning around to go back out into the crowd.   
  
As I turned around to follow him I heard a soft male voice say behind me, "What's this?"   
  
"You have an admirer Trowa." Catherine said with a giggle. I refused to turn around. I knew he knew it was me. I knew he was watching me go back to my seat. When I returned to my seat I was forced to look back towards the darkness of the backstage tents. He was still standing there- alone, watching me with his wild eyes. I had to avert my eyes from the gaze. I looked around the tent, up in the air to the roof. Somehow the tightrope act, which had been delayed, never seemed more interesting. I purposely concentrated as hard as I could on the act.   
  
When I was forced to look back down at the ground I HAD to look in the direction I wanted to avoid. I started when I realized that the figure leaning on a pole, arms crossed with a bag dangling from one hand, was still there. Still watching me.   
  
I tried to sink down lower into my seat. 'Oh no! I've REALLY done it this time! I know. I just WON'T come tomorrow. But I can't do that. I promised Catherine I would. If only Rae were here. She'd out shine me...draw his attention away. Surely he hates me now.'   
  
I felt sick again. I realized with an amount of gratification the show was over. I bolted out of my seat and ran out of the tent. Crisp night air assaulted my lungs. I clasped my arms around me in a hugging motion. Vaguely, before Bernie had led me to my doom, I began to recall the plan I had finally worked out for giving Trowa the gifts. I was going to ask which trailer was his and quickly leave it on the trailer's doorstep. Easy and unhumilating.   
  
'Well at least he got them.', a voice inside me said. 'And at least you know you aren't going to be beat up by his sister or a jealous girlfriend.' Yes, that was nice to know.   
  
I looked around briefly to figure out where I was. A little walk further and I'd be able to have some peace and quiet to think. They had set the circus up on the fairgrounds. There was a mini park up ahead. One that surely would be quiet.   
  
I came to the desired section and heaved a sigh of relief. Couples were walking along in quiet contemplation of each other. Trees created a labyrinth of sheltering quiet and peace and a lake that glimmered in the opening among the treetops sparkled with the moon's gift of diamonds in it's waves. Breathing in the air and taking in the sounds and shapes nature offered my senses, I felt my nausea and tension leave up again under it's spell.   
  
I walked quietly to the edge of the lake and looked up at the stars. I sat down, happily, dreamily, as I gazed at their sparkling beauty, just as the lake-like diamonds. I numbly remembered the words I had written on the card:   
  
Please take this rose that I offer you with the most sincerest meaning it's red petals can boast and these candies to sweeten your tastebuds and lips.   
  
Sincerely, An admirer   
  
I couldn't bear to sign my name. I forced myself to relax again, and try to force my mind to go numb. To just admire the beauty around me. Finally I became totally relaxed.   
  
"I always had preferred the night's beauties as well and, ah, you didn't sign your name on your card." said an unexpected voice behind me.   
  
I jumped at the sound of it as my muscles began to tense. Slowly I turned to meet the night-shrouded figure of Trowa. I visibly gulped. Absent the bag, now he carried what had been its contents in his hands. Words failed me. Was he going to pitch them back at me? Thank me for them? What did he plan to do? How did he know where to find me?   
  
"Well?" he asked. "Name?"   
  
"Lana..."I croaked out.   
  
"Lana." he repeated in a softer tone. "It's pretty."   
  
I smiled gently as I felt a blush come to my cheeks forcing me to look away from the beautiful green eyes. I looked back and for the first time realized he wasn't in his clown outfit, but a T-shirt and jeans. A TIGHT T-shirt and jeans. Every muscle of his chest and arms rippled under the fabric when he moved, every muscular thigh was shown off. Realizing I had been staring, I turned back around away from him, blushing again. I heard his soft steps come to my side.   
  
Part 8   
  
"Mind if I sit with you?" he asked as if pleased with himself. Had he worn that outfit on PURPOSE?   
  
I shook my head as I whispered, "I don't mind."   
  
I stared ahead as I heard him sit down on the soft grass and begin to regard me. I refused to look at him. I concentrated instead on the dancing lights in the lake. I felt something soft and feathery brush against my cheek, trail down my neck, then down my arm. It caused goosebumps to rise on my bare arms. I was already cold from not having worn a jacket over my tanktop. The days were hot, the nights growing cold. I had thought I'd be home by now. I shivered as I looked down to see what it was causing the bumps to rise on my skin. It was the rose I had given him. He traced it back up my arm. Being cold already and the tingly sensation made me shiver again more noticeably.   
  
"Are you cold?" he asked when he noticed it.   
  
"A little." I answered softly.   
  
Shock registered through every pore of my body when I felt his arms encircle me and push me against his much, much warmer body. His grip around me was secure yet gentle. I sighed. I couldn't help it. I never thought he would notice ME. I never even imagined that I would ever be held by any man I liked.   
  
"So... you've spent tons of money coming for every show just to see me." he stated with mild amusement in his voice.   
  
I felt a little humiliated again as I nodded.   
  
"I know you asked about me. Bernie told me. I've been sort of following you around." he whispered by my ear.   
  
"You mean I wasn't just being paranoid that someone was following me around?" I asked in disbelief.   
  
"No." A soft expression came to his features as his voice became gentle." I'm sorry if I frightened you. I was just trying to figure you out. I've been watching you from the first time I saw you when I was in the ring for our act until I received these gifts from you." His tone became seductive. "I wanted to be sure that you were attracted to me too. That I REALLY was what you were coming to see."   
  
"You mean you saw me in that crowd the first day?" I asked in disbelief.   
  
He nodded and pulled me tighter to him nuzzling my neck with his cheek. I sighed again finally relaxing in the security and warmth I felt in his arms. I dared to be brave enough to lay a hand on his. Gently he maneuvered his hand to entwine our fingers. I felt him tilt his head against mine and he relieved a sigh of his own. We sat like that for awhile looking up at the skies or at the lake wordlessly, and then one of the things that had kept festering in the recesses of my mind since this all began peaked.   
  
"There's only three more days you know." I said sadly.   
  
He tilted his head slightly to look at me. I strained my neck to look at him. He was chewing on his lower lip.   
  
"I know. I've been thinking about that too." he replied in a contemplative voice.   
  
"Well what can we do about that?" I asked turning into him slightly. "I don't think I can scrounge up enough money to come the last two days. I need money for work, gas..."   
  
He stopped my lips with two gentle fingers pressed on them. "That won't be a problem. Do you have enough gas to get here and to work each day?"   
  
I thought about it briefly. I had a half-full tank, so yes, I did. I nodded.   
  
"Then all you need to do is show up. I'll take care of the rest," he said with a hint of a smile.   
  
"And after..." I asked in a squeak.   
  
Perhaps I was just someone whom he was just passing time with? He unraveled his fingers from mine and caressed my cheek. "I have leave time coming up soon. I'll come to see you then. In the meantime I'll call and write...if YOU like me enough to let me."   
  
I caught the emphasized 'you'. Did he want a long-term relationship after all? A solid one? I doubted I could JUST be friends with him. I was too attracted to him.   
  
"I'll let you." I said in a dream state. He did smile at that. "I don't have anything on me to write my address and phone number on. And..." I stopped at my next thought, my eyes widening. It was the second thing that had been bothering me. In a rush I asked, "How old are you?"   
  
He looked confused. "Nineteen."   
  
Relieved I let out the deep breath I had took in and held. I had feared I was in the arms of a minor.   
  
"And you?" he countered point blankly.   
  
"Eighteen." In a strange way I was happy as a lark that he was older than I was.   
  
He sighed a similar one to mine and bent his head to rest on my cheek. "You'll be here tomorrow...you can bring your address then." he said with a dreamy look in his eyes as he gave me a gentle squeeze. I wondered what he was thinking.   
  
I nodded.   
  
"Now," he said turning his attention to the chocolates," what kind of chocolates are in here?" He unraveled one arm from around me to pick the box up.   
  
"Just assorted ones to sweeten your tongue." I said in a cross between a shy and suggestive voice.   
  
He caught the suggestive part of the comment and smiled again. He put the box in his other hand while keeping it draped around me, and cupped my cheek in his hand. "I think YOU'RE all I'll ever need to sweeten tongue." he purred in a sensual voice that made me want to melt.   
  
I peered into the endless green depths of his eyes and realized he was telling the truth as HE knew it. I had a strange way of telling the difference between when a person lied or was telling the truth. He also felt the same way as I. We could never be JUST friends.   
  
"Now help me open this box. You are going to help me eat these, right?" he asked raising his eyebrows.   
  
"Well won't Catherine want any of them?" I asked feeling guilty again for not getting her anything.   
  
"She might, but it'll be in her best interests if she doesn't have any. She's on a diet you know." he told me as if it was a deep, dark secret. I laughed and helped him with the wrapper.   
  
~~~~*~~~~~   
  
Part 9   
  
Despite our already strong feelings for each other, we also knew from the beginning we wanted to take things slow. Both of us wanted the relationship to last. He had called at every new city he reached. Written every week, and came to see me at his every available vacation. The funny part was when I talked to Catherine when I had went back to the circus the next day and got in free thanks to Trowa's persuasion, that she said she never heard him talk as much as he did around me. Nor act the way he did. Perhaps I talked even less than he did. Rae was beside herself trying to figure out where I had "picked him up". You'd think she'd have figured out HE was the reason for my sudden interest in the circus.   
  
I watched silently now, almost over a year later as a car roared up into the driveway of my apartment complex. I grinned happily; my excitement too wound up to be masked within. After minutes that seemed to last like an eternity I heard the much-desired knock on the door. I ran to it, forced myself to calm down, then opened it. I looked up at the tall man before me, bangs hanging over one of his beautiful green eyes. His eyes were still wild and in someway fiery, yet so gentle and loving that you lost yourself in them. But I realized that there was one thing nearly gone from them now-- sadness.   
  
Trowa had told me in great detail of his past. The way he was raised, WHO he had been raised by, the physical abuse he had suffered from being in war all his life, and ultimately that he had been a Gundam pilot. His life was forced to be lonely, and filled with pain and unhappiness. But it seemed the loneliness was gone now. Even though the pain was still there, and probably never would go away completely. Which broke my heart. The very sight of him made me lose my breath and want to sing, dance, cry, and laugh. I knew now more than ever before that I loved him. I was IN love with him, and always would love him.   
  
"Well can I come in or do you prefer to admire my magnificence in the hallway?" he asked playfully.   
  
I stepped aside noticing he carried a bag with him. I forced myself not to get nosey--yet.   
  
"How was your trip?" I asked taking his hand and we walked together to the couch and sat down.   
  
"Well enough. I need to get that muffler fixed," he said nodding in the direction of the car outside.   
  
I eyed the bag then looked up to see him grinning. "Here. I'm going to get us some tea." He handed me the bag as he stood up.   
  
I watched him move with the grace he always did, like a dancer, then went back to the bag. I chuckled when I opened it. There was a red rose, a card, and a box of chocolates. I couldn't help but look up at him in the kitchen to see him smirk. I looked back down at the chocolates. They had been opened...   
  
"I ate one on the way here. Hope you don't mind." he called from the kitchen.   
  
I smelled the rose to hide the smile I felt come to my face. When I had given him the chocolates as a gift I had been right on the money. It was his weakness. Gingerly, I opened the box and put the lid aside. I glanced down and back up to smile at him, but did a double take when I saw a glint flashed at me from the middle of the assortment. I looked back at the chocolates and in the middle where a chocolate was supposed to rest in its holder was a diamond ring. My eyes were as wide as saucers as I picked it up and held it's sparkling beauty to the light. I looked over at Trowa and saw him smile warmly and shyly.   
  
"Read the card," he said softly as I noticed he was purposely not coming out of the kitchen.   
  
I put the ring on the coffee table in front of me and the chocolate box aside, but kept the rose in my hand. I opened the card that was decorated intricately with a red rose on the front. The card, I could tell was an expensive one. With a deep sigh I read:   
  
Please take this rose that I offer you with the most sincerest meaning it's red petals can boast, and these candies to sweeten your tastebuds and lips.   
  
And within the sweetness that the candies can bring, the ring that I offer you to ask you to love me forever. Will you consent to be my bride? For you alone will be all I ever need to sweeten my tongue.   
  
Sincerely,   
An admirer   
  
Finally with a bit of nervousness that I hadn't noticed before Trowa came out of the kitchen with two glasses of tea. He walked over to stand in front of me and set the glasses down with shaky hands on the table.   
  
"Lana..."he said softly, as he bent down on one knee and picked up the ring. "Will you marry me?"   
  
I felt dumbstruck and all at once my emotions came flooding within me. I heard myself begin to laugh and cry at the same time as I bolted forward and caught him around the neck in a strong embrace, then let go enough to look into his eyes. I nodded as I heard my inaudible, "Yes" come from my lips.   
  
Trowa flashed me a relieved and winning smile and pulled my left hand from his neck and slipped the ring on the appropriate finger. He sighed deeply, the smile returning as he cupped my face in his hands and pulled me closer until my lips met his in the deepest, most passionate kiss I could imagine. Catherine would say if she had seen it that she didn't believe it. "Trowa doesn't act that way."   
  
I wrapped my arms around his neck again and fell into the kiss as I felt his hands leave my face and his arms encircle me, pulling me closer to him. The kiss was leaving me dizzy. I wasn't sure if it was from the lack of oxygen or too much emotion permeating my senses all at once. My feelings were racing in all directions...happiness, love, passion, they suddenly became one. Finally we pulled away from it out of breath. Trowa fell back a bit, a smile hinted on his lips.   
  
"I think I need to tell my family and Rae." I replied softly, gazing into his love filled eyes.   
  
He nodded as I slid my hands down his chest and pulled out of his arms. Before I could reach over the couch for the receiver he grabbed my left hand and kissed it tenderly. He released my hand then moved to sit beside me on the couch. I smiled at him again and reached over, and picked up the phone's receiver. I stopped when I felt a velvety brush on my cheek, down my neck and over my arm. I looked down knowing what it was. He smiled at me innocently and slid closer to me, putting an arm around my shoulders, pulling me to face him. With the other hand he took the rose and brushed along my other cheek and around my neck. I followed it's movement with fascination, then watched as he laid it carefully on the table and used his now free hand to caress my face. I leaned into his hand, and softly kissed his palm.   
  
"I love you," he said in a soft whisper.   
  
"I love you too." I answered in the same voice.   
  
He began leaning in for another kiss, but kept his lips lingering inches from mine as he spoke. "As I said, your all I need to sweeten my tongue."   
  
I needed no other invitation...we motioned together in the meeting of our lips this time. I unwittingly dropped the phone's receiver as I put my arms around him again, and began to vaguely hear the phone start beeping to say it was off the hook. Briefly I reflected that the greatest joy in my life, my soul mate, was waiting for me in a circus, and I had only first known him as a clown.   
  
But the thought floated away on a song in the air that made me believe that if I opened my eyes now I would see stars. The other kiss was nothing compared to this one. It spoke volumes as I could tell through it both our hearts sang as one.   
  
FINIS   
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: You can archive this if you wish. I lack a spell checker on the system I have to use, so you may want to run this through one first. Now on an insane note:   
  
DUO: How come you ALWAYS write about Trowa? Why don't you ever write about ME sometime?   
HEERO: Or me? I'd like to have a girlfriend too!   
DUO: So would I!   
Calla: But you already have girlfriends! (points to Heero) YOU are with Relena...   
HEERO: (smiles dreamily) Relena...(walks away in a daze)   
Calla: (points to Duo) And you are with Hilde!   
Duo: Hilde...(grins like an idiot)   
Wufei: Women! What about me? I'm ALWAYS left out!   
Calla: You're with Sally!   
Wufei: Oh. (grins)   
Quatre: So! At LEAST you can be connected with somebody! I'm the one everyone ALWAYS assumes is GAY! I'M NOT GAY! Just because I'm sensitive...(sobs)   
Calla: Oh Quatre... but in my OTHER fanfic... the saga you DO have a girlfriend.   
Quatre: But what about outside it?   
Calla: Well...   
Quatre: See... YOU don't love ME!   
Calla: Quatre...   
Trowa: It's not THAT Quatre...I'M her favorite character that's all. You're her SECOND favorite. She loves us all equally though...well except me...she likes me more.   
Quatre: (starts crying)   
Calla: (shakes her head and comes to Quatre's side) Quatre...why don't we settle this now. You want a girlfriend?   
Q: Yeah.   
C: (sweeps hand around the room) Okay who do you want? Q: (looks around then leans in to whisper in Calla's ear)   
C: Are you SURE?   
Q: (nods)   
C: Okay...(gets up and goes to center of the room) Quatre wants Lady Une to be his girlfriend. Lady Une please step forward.   
Lady Une: (comes forward and joins a gleeful Quatre)   
Everyone especially Trieze: LADY UNE!!!   
Trieze: But what about me?   
C: You're dead. You don't mind.   
T: Oh yeah...forgot. (scowls)   
Duo: Lady Une. Who'd have thought...?   



End file.
